This is a deep, introspective thing.
A warm day..that one whose cruel evening transition signifies a change in the season. The wind stronger than it has been in months. Frigid.
The season of change.
The chill in my bones. The cloud that comes to stay. He kicks off his boots, his socks..lays back on the couch, my couch…for the winter. I let him stay…when it’s time for him to go.
I am well familiar with my cloud. He comes to visit every November.
“Be sensitive! Be fragile! Be dramatic! Be melancholy!”….he says.
I reflect..on the year my great-grandmother encountered her journey of change.
I reflect..on the year my home burned down and my grandfather soon after…began his journey of change.
I reflect on my grandmother’s birthday and the warm fall day when I accidentally or coincidentally encountered a frightful experience with a darkness unexplained.
I reflect on my sister’s subtle unraveling shortly before she unintentionally pursued her own journey of change.
I reflect on a conversation with someone I love with my whole heart…and for whom I will be a decision-maker one day…she said…”If anything happens to me like..’that,’ you know…’the journey,’…I know you will want to keep me here because you will be scared and sad and hurt. But please don’t do anything to keep me from going Home, when the time comes.”
Don’t make me stay, when it’s time for me to go.
The journey, seemingly omnipresent.
As my cloud settles in this time, Jesus comes to mind….
He whispers to me, “Through Me, through My name, you have unimaginable strength and power over your cloud. I came that you may have life abundantly.”
He continues, “That does not mean that you will forever escape sadness; escape hurt; escape pain; escape loss. It means that those things, your ‘clouds,’ don’t have the power to consume you. Unless you want them to. Unless you hand the power I gave to you…over to them.”
So tonight, I celebrate…those that have been granted their journey…to our glory land, with our Daddy. Tonight, I remember my great-grandmother, my grandfather, my sister, and other family members and friends. Tonight, I publicly accept that it’s okay to be sad…I mean…really, really sad, sometimes. And tonight, I choose to kick the cloud off my couch because God says…”Don’t let him stay when it is time for him to go.”
“I’ve lived my life, I’ve lived my life.
It’s time for you to know.
My name has been called; my plan fulfilled.
Don’t make me stay, when it’s time for me to go.”